When running my goal race, the Urban Cow Half Marathon, I was focused on trying to smash my PR. However, while I was concentrating on my race, I had some amusing thoughts along the course. These are what I consider to be my top 10 thoughts during my race.
1. I hope that I don’t start out too quickly. I always start out too quickly. Should I start with the 2:00:00 group or the 1:55:00 group? Damn brain, stop it!
2. Here we go, only 3,000 people in front of me. I should get to the start line before the first person finishes. Maybe not.
3. Alright, one mile in. I sure hope the crowd thins out soon so I can start passing people. I feel like I’m shuffling to get out of a movie theater.
4. What is up with that guy’s form? He is kicking his butt with each stride. That will hurt tomorrow.
5. Way to go, Mr. Police Officer. You just let a car onto the race course, and the driver is going in the wrong direction. You could do something, or just stand there drinking your coffee. I wouldn’t want you to have to move.
6. There is a woman with fake boobs, and she’s caressing them. Not plastic surgery—these were a Halloween costume, I hope. Did I really just see that, or am I getting heat stroke and hallucinating?
7. That fart was way louder than I thought it was going to be. I hope there isn’t anyone behind me. Oh crap, there’s a group of people right there. Should I apologize or just run faster? Run faster, it is.
8. There is the “half-mile to go” sign, time to go. A quarter-mile later. Another “half-mile to go” sign? WTF. Okay, who is messing with me? I already started pushing harder. Funny, guys.
9. The road is 20 feet wide. Does your group really have to take up all 20 feet? This isn’t red rover!
10. Did that 10-year-old really beat me by 25 minutes? He did break the world record for his age at around 1:31:00, so I guess that is okay.
For more from Brian Goldman, visit Running Without Injuries.